???

My heart is broken as I type this.  I told Zack that ever since he got home from school, he had done nothing but annoy me!  Honestly I feel like the worst mom.  I was frustrated with the noise level in my house (mostly him), I was frustrated with the TOYS EVERYWHERE and it seemed that no matter what he did, it was making me crazy.  Later I apologized to him and told him that he did not annoy me, but I still feel so guilty.  I am his MOTHER, as I so easily remind him (mostly when he talks back to me) I should be the one who has the MOST patience with him and lately, I feel like I have none left.  To top it all off, he told me that he feels like he has no friends at school, he has said this before and it truly does just break my heart.  I guess all the boys were playing football and they all told him that he couldn't be on their teams.  He said, mom...they just don't want me to play with them.  At 9 yrs. old, that has got to be hard~!  Every day, I see his confidence fade more and more, and I don't know what to do.  I am not always the mean mom who has no patience for noise and clutter, in fact I think most of the time, I am just the opposite.  For whatever reason, today it was all just getting to me.  OF COURSE today would be the day where his own heart is breaking because he is feeling worthless at school.  He hasnt said it in so many words, but I know that is how he is feeling.  It is killing me inside.  I don't know how to make the boys like him and want to play with him.  I feel completly helpless.  We are struggling with other issues with Zack as well.  His teacher has approached us about getting him tested for A.D.D.  this is something that we have suspected with him for quite some time, but it is now becoming a reality, at the moment, I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure what direction to go with this.  Of course I want him to succeed, but I don't want him to be medicated out of his mind and NOT be Zack.  Sometimes being a mom is just plain hard, you are expected to know all the answers and know how to give your child self confidence and worth, and I try, I really do, but something is clearly not working.  I don't want him to feel so insecure like I did all the time growing up.  I just wish the other kids didn't have to be so mean!  Just wish I had all the answers!