OBSESSED

     The other day, I was told that I was obsessed with spending time with my kids.  Really??  Isn't that why you have kids?  To make sure that they are loved, fed, clothed and cared for?  The way that this was said, was honestly as if I was doing a bad thing by obsessing over my kids.  I think I will just chose to look at it differently, I am taking this as a compliment.  YES, I admit it....I am obsessed with my kids and I don't plan on changing this anytime soon EVER!  My kids and my husband are my world.  They are the reason I get up in the morning.  I will never understand why some people think that it's OK to tell someone else how to spend their time or how to raise their kids.  Am I a perfect mom?  NOPE... yes I make plenty of mistakes, and I really do try and learn something from each one, but this?  This just seems crazy to me.  So like I said, I am choosing to take this one as a compliment.  Besides...what's NOT to obsess over?  When you have kids as great as mine it gets pretty dang easy to obsess over.  Below is a list of just a few of the things that I currently LOVE about each of my kids.
     Zack: Zack is very compassionate towards everyone and everything.  You know how people say that they couldn't hurt a fly?  Well, that is Zack.  Seriously, if there is a spider in the house and I kill it, he always tells me that I didn't need to kill it, I could just put it back outside, (NOT A CHANCE!)  He loves animals, I think he would be a great veterinarian someday.   Zack is very loving, from day one Zack has always loved to hug and get hugs from everyone.  I LOVE getting my 16 hugs everyday!
     Jacob:  Jacob is such a good kid.  He is always trying so hard.  Jacob is a self starter with everything EXCEPT cleaning his room :)  He loves to help do things that Scott does, like mow the lawn or fix anything.  He is always very helpful with Emma and the kids that I babysit.  Jacob is very intuitive and seems to know exactly what I need before I even have a chance to tell him.  Jacob LOVES to laugh, his laugh is so contagious that you can't help but laugh right along with him, (very much like his dad!)  Jacob is a great listener.  I LOVE knowing that if something breaks around here, Jacob is always ready with his tools!
     Emma:  Emma's little personality is such fun!  She is a spunky little girl that's for sure.  She is very playful especially at nap time and bedtime, she will put her legs up so you can't get the blanket on her, and when you can't get them on...she just giggles and giggles!  I LOVE it!  Emma knows exactly what she wants and exactly how to get it!  She knows that if mom says no...Daddy or brothers will always find a way to say yes!  I sure do love my little girl, it's so fun to watch her play with her dolls and all of her little pink things :)  Love Love Love watching her be a little mama.
     I am most definitely blessed with these three beautiful little spirits.  They add so much to both of our lives, I don't know what I would ever do if something were to happen to any of them.  I love spending time with them, and I will happily do every chance I get.  It doesn't matter if we are taking a trip, going to lagoon or just being lazy and watching a movie, each and every one of these kids bring more happiness and love then I have ever known before.  It took us a while to get them all here, but our family is complete and I couldn't be happier...or more OBSESSED!
   Bottom line here, how do you NOT obsess over your kids?  Sure glad that I don't need to find out!  (Now...if only I could figure out how to get their picture here...)

Funky Town...

The other day, I was frustrated with the kids because they have not listened to a single thing that Scott or I have said to them in months...(perhaps a SLIGHT exageration)  anyways, we were trying to figure out what we could do to get us out of this funk that we have been in.  We were trying to explain a new reward system for them, and they wouldn't even listen to that.  At that time, I felt very frustrated and I told Zack and Jake that I might as well go back to work, because me being home was OBVIOUSLY not doing anyone any good.  I had a horrible migraine at the time and was laying on the couch trying to get rid of it.  Scott and the boys took Emma upstairs and began eating dinner, this is the conversation that I heard from the couch.
Zack:  Dad, mom said she doesn't want to be our mother anymore.
Scott:  She is just very frustrated with you guys, you need to listen to her some more.
Then the subject was changed.  I dragged my butt off of the couch to go "Correct" my son.  I NEVER said that I didn't want to be his mother.  I would NEVER say anything like that, and the fact that he is interpruting it this way makes me so sad.  My greatest joy is being their mother.  I love that I am able to stay home with them while they are young.  I LOVE that I am the first one they see after school, and I am the one who is there to help with their homework, and drive them to dance, scouts, and everything in between.  We are just in a funk...any suggestions on how to get out?

???

My heart is broken as I type this.  I told Zack that ever since he got home from school, he had done nothing but annoy me!  Honestly I feel like the worst mom.  I was frustrated with the noise level in my house (mostly him), I was frustrated with the TOYS EVERYWHERE and it seemed that no matter what he did, it was making me crazy.  Later I apologized to him and told him that he did not annoy me, but I still feel so guilty.  I am his MOTHER, as I so easily remind him (mostly when he talks back to me) I should be the one who has the MOST patience with him and lately, I feel like I have none left.  To top it all off, he told me that he feels like he has no friends at school, he has said this before and it truly does just break my heart.  I guess all the boys were playing football and they all told him that he couldn't be on their teams.  He said, mom...they just don't want me to play with them.  At 9 yrs. old, that has got to be hard~!  Every day, I see his confidence fade more and more, and I don't know what to do.  I am not always the mean mom who has no patience for noise and clutter, in fact I think most of the time, I am just the opposite.  For whatever reason, today it was all just getting to me.  OF COURSE today would be the day where his own heart is breaking because he is feeling worthless at school.  He hasnt said it in so many words, but I know that is how he is feeling.  It is killing me inside.  I don't know how to make the boys like him and want to play with him.  I feel completly helpless.  We are struggling with other issues with Zack as well.  His teacher has approached us about getting him tested for A.D.D.  this is something that we have suspected with him for quite some time, but it is now becoming a reality, at the moment, I feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure what direction to go with this.  Of course I want him to succeed, but I don't want him to be medicated out of his mind and NOT be Zack.  Sometimes being a mom is just plain hard, you are expected to know all the answers and know how to give your child self confidence and worth, and I try, I really do, but something is clearly not working.  I don't want him to feel so insecure like I did all the time growing up.  I just wish the other kids didn't have to be so mean!  Just wish I had all the answers!